Everyday I wake up, I tell myself, it will be a good day no matter how heavy my heart feels. Having positive energy helps greatly going through the day.
Yesterday, the amount of negative energy around me intense. I was beginning to feel a toll on the negativity around me. My precious sister got hit by a taxi, I had to bear whatever my mum says due to her condition, my granny has been in great pains for the past 10 days without eating.. the list goes on and on. When I drove to work, came across two idiotic drivers, I strive hard to ignore whatever negative energy came by. Just kept smiling and in fact, I helped out an old lady when everybody around her ignored her BUT...
but yesterday was a day I collapse. At around 7pm, I scream at the top of my lungs at my mother over the phone, I have never done that. At 8.45pm my granny took her last breath, I arrived at 8.55pm. I couldn't control my tears. I gave in.
There are two persons in my life I could pour my heart out with. My sister and my Granny. My granny is the one who taught me how to stay positive. Her husband passed on about 10 years ago, she has 2 daughters and 4 sons. Whenever I had any problems, I would talk to her. Admittedly, mostly was about relationship issues. She would also tell me about her life stories, from her kampong days to teaching me how to cook the best chicken soup. Even when she was physically weak, she will still push her limits and never laze around, even at the age of 90. The strongest women I will ever come across. She was such a great influence to me.
I want to start off by saying I already miss you. I already miss your beautiful smile. I miss everything about you. I miss your stubbornness( now I know where I got that from). I will never forget the few memories I had with you. Those memories will stick with me the rest of my life. I have you to thank for all of them. I can’t be mad, you lived a long full life, and had 4 beautiful sons and 2 daughters. memories I had with you.
Now, it may seem like everything is okay, but it’s definitely not okay. I didn’t know what to say. I mean what do you say to a person who just taken her last breath 10 mins ago… You had a special place in my heart, and will always reside there no matter what.
Nai nai, with tears, I bid you farewell. I know you are happier now, thank you for everything... everything...